Wake
by JXSilverXJ
Summary: -REVISED- Past actions unexpectedly resurface. Sometimes, even those little things done without thinking would stay forever.


Date Initiated: April 16th, 2010

Fandom: Detective Conan/Case Closed

Genre: Drama/Angst.

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. All characters belong to Gosho Aoyama.

(-EDIT- : Majority, if not all, of the typos have been fixed.)

* * *

_It was hot. The atmosphere was ridiculously hot, it felt like an enclosing inferno cage that just couldn't wait to get a first lick at anything enclosed in it's fiery pillars._

_And that thought was not far away._

_Conan stood in what appeared to be a crumbling room, the four walls casts in bright crimson red and orange – the walls of fire. He could have mildly compared it to a sunset environment but that certainly wasn't the time and place for this. The burning fire was slowly making it's way around the room, crawling like a slithering snake to it's prey engulfing anything and everything in its path in its fiery walls. The smell of burning wood and smoke assaulted his senses and he had the urge to clap a hand over his nose and mouth. And the heat wasn't doing anything to ease his uncomfortable feeling – his head and vision were starting to fog up and getting progressively hazier by the second. But he knew he couldn't give in. He was here for something and he knew it._

_Vaguely somewhere far away, he registered the sound of somet__hing crumbling to the ground – a part of the ceiling to be exact. Not much time until this whole thing gets thrown into a hellish oblivion. He looked around himself frantically. The environment gave him a dreadful and nostalgic feeling that he didn't like one bit – it was vaguely familiar. That thought was wiped clear though, as he caught sight of another person in the same room, walking towards him. They didn't run or walk briskly, but moved in a well composed and casual walk despite the fiery pillars all around. The person's face was shrouded in darkness, that he could barely make out the facial features of a young woman._

_He parted his lips to speak – or rather shout – but he was cut short. Conan felt the person grabbing hold of the collar of his blue blazer and his feet leaving the ground as he was lifted up without any effort. He stared in disbelief over his shoulder. Everything was so vaguely familiar. Familiar but he couldn't point a finger to it._

_The person walked over to what looked liked a window pane looking out the exterior of the house. Conan couldn't see anything behind the window. Nothing but endless blackness lied in waiting. A soft melody reached his ear and that's when everything clicked together._

_The melody... It was the Moonlight Sonata._

_One of the most beautiful and 'haunting' musical masterpieces to ever exist, but also to him, signified a painful incident that he almost hated it, aside from fearing it as well._

_'It's happening again... It's happening all over again...!' Conan thought desperately as he looked at the person carrying him again. He was meet with nothing but a hauntingly peaceful smile etched on their facial features. He tried to pry off their fingers, shake off their tight grip on him but it was fruitless - the person's fingers did not even budge. And with every attempt and every second, he could notice the distance between him and the window narrowing. That was what exactly he dreaded. It was exactly as it happened once, what was happening now._

"_No!" Conan shouted... or rather tried to shout - again. But something seemed to stop him, kept his words lodged in his throat. "Don't do it!" He tried again, but it was in vain. A cold feeling of desperation washed over him as he tried once again to pry the person's grip off himself._

_But even before he knew it, his light frame was already soaring through the air. Vaguely, he registered the cool feeling of the glass pane against his sweat-covered exposed skin. There was a crash as the window shattered and he flew right through. He shut his eyes and gritted his teeth at the impact, half expecting pain but was greeted by nothing more than soft and gentle evening breeze._

_'No...' Cracking an eye open, he screamed as his vision was met with a blinding white light._

* * *

"No!" Conan Edogawa bolted upright, eyes wide open with a glint of helplessness, face covered in thin sheen of sweat as he took huge gulps of air. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying to gather his wits about and recompose himself. The crackling of the fire and the shattering of the window pane still echoed in his ear as the last note of the Moonlight Sonata he had heard started to fade away.

'It was nightmare... Just a dream.' That incident – the Moonlight Sonata Murders – was more than just a dream, he knew. The Moonlight Sonata... how he despised that musical piece. A lot of people, if not every one of them, appreciated the song and even called it a 'musical representation of emotions'. He might have been one of them if it weren't for what it reminded him of.

Conan shut his eyes and took a few deep breathes in an attempt to steady his rapid breathing, as he lent his head against the headboard of the bed he occupied. Lowering his gaze as he opened his eyes, his sight fell on the crumbled bed sheets and blanket. He must have been tossing and turning, he knew. That incident, he tried to forget it and bury deep inside but for some reason, it had resurfaced as a haunting dream.

He smiled in apathy, that same feeling of uselessness, failure and hopeless feeling washed over him. He felt like a failure for not being able to save that person. Seiji Asou was the first casualty in his detective career. He couldn't do anything but watch as the house crumbled down in flames while Seiji was inside. The musician played a musical score as a final message to him among the raging flames. 'Thank you, little detective' it said.

'Thank you' for what, though...?

He shook his head. He had to stop thinking about it. Looking around, he was met with the familiar spacious bedroom he once owned. He was back at the Kudo Residence. Looking out of the window overlooking the lawn, he could see Professor Agasa's home next door. He sighed softly as his eyes fell on a dimly lit window. The professor must have forgotten to switch off one of the lights in the living room before going to sleep. He shook his head.

Deciding to get a drink to sooth his dry throat before trying to get back to sleep again, he got out of bed and made his way towards the door. Halfway though, Conan was slightly startled to hear a soft musical melody that he instantly recognized to be the one from the piano in the study room. He winced visible as the memory of the Moonlight Sonata surfaced again but the feeling subside all together soon. He found himself in the moonlit hallway, looking down the hall and listening intently. The melody was soft... and soothing.

He decided, it was that kind of a melody that would make a person forget their worries, dread and perhaps, loss. The kind that would make you look back and reminisce, cherishing every little detail of a happy and equally sad memory. Whom ever composed that piece was a brilliant composer, he would think. Suddenly, he was made aware that another person was in here beside himself but he already knew who that person was.

Abandoning the thought of getting that cool glass of a drink from the kitchen, he walked towards the study and quietly pushed open the slightly ajar wooden door. Slipping into the spacious study with ease, he stood by the door as his eyes went over to the large piano that sat by the window panes over looking the dark street down below. A little girl about his age sat with her back to him as she deftly played the instrument. Conan instantly recognized her, her small figure bathed in the moonlight and the short strawberry blonde hair shining with a silvery glint.

The piece that she was playing... it was unlike many of the others that she had played. Normally, he had heard her play... sad melodies, he'd like to say. But to his ears it sounded like someone's misery and unspoken and suppressed pain – a hauntingly pessimistic tune, if he would say so. But this one was different – there was a hint of optimism shining through – and that was the first he had heard and admittedly liked.

Conan stood by his spot looking around the study before his gaze settling back on the girl. He kept still, leaning against the wall before a voice broke him out of his reverie.

"You don't have to stand there, you know..." The voice was soft and barely audible above the melody resonating around the enclosing four walls of the room, a voice he recognized to be the girl's that was playing the piano. She didn't stop or even bothered to look at him, but just continued playing like she had known he was watching her all the while.

'Typical.' Conan scoffed mentally. He stepped away from the wall, nevertheless and continued over to her spot, standing by the bench and watching her play. His eyes unknowingly traveled over to the side of her face. Her bangs covering her eyes. The melody stayed true and realistic in his head as he listened. It was for several moments, but it was only when the girl lifted her hands off the keys and placed them delicately on her lap, did Conan realize he had been staring.

As the concluding note remained suspended in the air for a while, he took a spot at the end of the bench, straddling it and facing the strawberry blonde, his eyes on the piano.

"Haibara..."

'_...That's great.'_

The compliment hung on the tip of his tongue. It was what he had meant to say but instead, it came out differently.

"...That's different." Conan winced inwardly at his statement. It sounded flat and blunt to his ears.

Ai Haibara just shrugged in response. She kept her head bowed as she stared at the piano.

"What brings you here in the middle of the night, Kudo...?" Ai asked quietly.

Conan eyed her out of the corner of his eye. Ai wasn't a person to dance around a question or any topic, for that matter and he expected no less for her to shoot the question so bluntly. Smart and sarcastic retorts flitted around his mind for a moment.

_'What did you expect? This is my home...'_

_'Oh, you woke me up...'_

But before he could even form a coherent word or a sentence, the image of a burning house played in his mind's eye.

"Nightmare..." Conan found himself muttering. "I just had a nightmare." He repeated clearly, but with a non-chalant tone.

Ai looked at him with mild curiosity.

He shrugged at the silent question in her eyes, "I'm fine... It's nothing you'd want to know about."

Ai scoffed humorlessly, an action that clearly said she didn't buy it one bit but she didn't push him.

"Why...?" He couldn't help but ask what was behind the change. He wanted to know, but there also that feeling that told him to keep out and to himself.

Ai visibly stiffened for a moment, but relaxed after a while. There was no response from her and the two of them lapsed into silence. One of Conan's hands hovered over one of the keys until Ai spoke up again.

"It's just..." She started. "It reminds of my sister." Ai finally turned her head and looked at him.

Conan met her eyes blankly. Her sister... He knew Ai missed her sister very much. He had even caught her calling her sister's leased apartment just to hear her voice when the voice mail picks up despite the risks involved with the action. There was a chance that a certain organization that incidentally happened to be after them, might be keeping watch on it.

"It reminds of those times when we meet up." Ai continued quietly bowing her head again. "Those short moments with her, when I smile... Those short minutes when it's neither pure bliss nor black ignorance, but a hazy reality... She would joke, but I'd keep a straight face." She smiled slightly and turned to the piano. "It's one of our few getaways..."

"I see..." Conan replied quietly. Akemi's death left a scar on him. If only he hadn't been too late. He had been too slow, and the Black Organization got to her first. She was the second casualty that he failed to save. He would never forget the guilt that weighed heavily on him as he watched the young woman's face pale and take her last breath, the life leaving her eyes in a pool of her own blood. That very guilt, however, would intensify upon his meeting with Ai.

He thought about how he treated Ai that very evening of their first encounter. How he blamed her for everything that was happening to him. How he had shunned her away like a piece of trash that he never needed. How he screamed right in front of her face, horrible insults and names spewing forth from his mouth. How he tried to turn away a person that tried to approach him only for help, because she had no where else to go...

And in all due shame, he never meant what he had said to her. He never meant hurt her but he knew he couldn't undo any of that. He didn't think twice about what he was saying. He was too stressed to cope up with what was happening. One revelation after another was just too much. That, and coupled with the stress of chasing after a virtually non-existent organization, blew him up. And as he conveniently could see back at that moment, he vented all the frustration and stress at Ai. He didn't know what would've happened if Professor Agasa wasn't there to hold him back.

He blamed himself for the death of Akemi. He blamed himself for the hurt he had caused Ai. And he never forgave himself for it. Ai had every right to blame him and he knew she had. But he had never admitted it openly either, because it was just the way he is – stubborn. Sometimes, he just hated his nature.

"I never told you about your sister, did I?" Conan whispered slightly. Maybe it was about time to let go of the guilt, release a part of what he had been keeping locked up inside. Just a part. He only hoped...

Ai looked back at him with a blank expression, her eyes boring into his. He disliked the feeling that he felt whenever she looked at him like this. It was as if she was reading him like an open book. Immediately, he glanced away to look at something else other than her face. The hand on his lap clenched into a fist. He knew the guilty feeling would have shone through his eyes.

It was silent again for a while. But the atmosphere tensed. It was something both never talked about before, and he didn't know if bringing that topic up was a good idea now.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, detective..." Conan heard Ai speak softly but firmly. Almost immediately, he snapped his head back to her with surprise evident on his expression. He caught sight of the full moon shining into the room through the windows behind her and he had a feeling similar to déjà vu . It was just like their initial encounter in that alleyway.

"You blamed yourself for her death all this while." A hesitant note was evident in Ai's voice as she spoke up again. It sounded like a half-question and half-affirmation. While Conan did not reply, the uncharacteristic glint in his eyes that prompted her to ask such a question was a definite yes to her.

She averted her eyes. "You know, you couldn't have done anything..." She whispered.

Conan chuckled sarcastically at that, it almost sounded painful to his ear. Couldn't have done anything...? He could have warned her or he could have told her not to meet up with those men. Maybe he could have saved her, too. But, why of all those, he had to be slow to figure out what she was up to?

"Her days were numbered by the organization, anyway... I'll probably end up like her very soon." Ai followed up with a colorless chuckle as her voice dropped at the end. She tried to sound as flat as she could. She never liked to talk about her sister for a reason. But with Conan, that reason didn't seem to exist. Sure, she had blamed the detective for Akemi's death that one evening but she also knew she was blaming the wrong person. She knew all too well who to blame.

"Yeah, right..." Ai heard Conan grit out with heavy sarcasm from her side, his face holding a frown. "No one deserves to die like that, Haibara. And you're no different from a murderer, if you _let_ a person die."

"What would have you done then?" Ai countered challengingly.

Conan blinked at her.

"Do you honestly believe that you could have done anything in that body without being killed?" Ai continued but that question was just rhetorical. "I'll just..." For one reason or another, she pursed her lips and stopped. She seemed to recompose her statement mentally, to him. As if she wasn't really sure of what she was about to say.

"I never held the blame to you, Kudo..." Ai began again quietly. Maybe it was time to let go of that false pretense. She only hoped...

Conan stared at her. She sounded serious. He knew deep inside he wanted forgiveness for everything he had done, but once again, he never would confess. Ai might not have blamed him – he wouldn't know – but he still held himself responsible. But to hear her say those words, he felt a weight being lifted off him like a fire burning it up. It was a slow surge and he remained skeptical. He chose to stay silent.

"At least, I didn't mean to if I did..." He heard her continue.

"I'm sorry, Haibara..." Vaguely, he found himself saying.

Maybe it was his guilt, or his conscience, or whatever that possessed him to say that. But that's when Conan felt relief as he uttered those three words. He never realized just how much he wanted to say it out loud, admit it. It slammed him with relief to finally confess those words that he had held back himself from doing... for who knows how long. He never needed to elaborate what he meant, partly because he knew Ai too well that she would pick up what he wanted to actually say, but also partly because of his guilt.

Ai, once again looked at him with that look, as if scrutinizing him. But he didn't care anymore. And for once, he was not going to deny anything.

Ai simply turned away from him and towards the piano. In truth if she would be honest to herself, she had always blamed herself for the Apotoxin. Looking back at it now, she knew she had no choice, but that only made her as bad as them. She was still responsible for it.

And Conan's blame only seemed to reinforce that weight, but she would never admit it either. Like Conan, she too was stubborn. She knew she had to forgive him but for that, she had to forgive herself as well, and that, she wasn't too sure about. Casting about for something to say, she came up with nothing but three words.

Conan listened to the melody silently. It was the same piece she had been playing earlier but with a bit slower tempo making it warmer and more relaxing.

"Thank you, Conan..." He heard her barely audible voice over the melody.

She forgave him.

Silently, he could feel the lock on his heart give way. He may not be able to completely leave it behind but he knew he wasn't alone. Although he wasn't sure if he was worthy of it, he would allow himself to accept it for the time being.

Slowly, the detective glanced out of the window. The moon was as full and bright as it could get. It was just like the evening when he met Ai, the evening of Akemi's death. It was just as full as by the nightfall of the Moonlight Sonata Murders, the night when stood helplessly watching the burning house crumble. The moonlight shined brightly, but he was left with no sense of direction. He was lost... Lost in some long dark hallway that was never ending, and the moonlight was only there to taunt him. He didn't know or even had a hint on what to do, what to feel.

Looking at it this time though, it was different. He could see it showing him the way. Though he knew not where it would end, he was willing to trust. He looked at Ai, her face obscured by a curtain of reddish-blonde hair beside him and he smiled.

The notes reached him again. For a short moment in time, he would try and forget everything – the good and the bad.

Finally, perhaps he would awaken...


End file.
